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I was lost, now I am just devastated November 3, 2006

Posted by aiesecexperience in Uncategorized.

Dear all

Yesterday (Thursday November 2, 2006) I went to Irbid with the plan of going to two AIESEC meetings one with Oxana (11:00 am) and the one with Sharif (3:30 pm), and after that having a “small party” with a lot of friends, any way things did not go as planned, I first decided on taking one of those small busses instead of the Hijazzy bus, so I got on one of them which had the word Irbid on thinking that its last stop will be Irbid , I WAS WRONG!!! The bus did stop by Irbid but it wasn’t its last stop, so when I got off the bus at its last stop I found my self in a small town, more like a village but in the end I got myself on a bus back to Irbid, on the way I sent a SMS to Oxana telling her I’ll be bit late and then she called back telling me that she is in Amman and Sharif is giving the “brand meeting” to her group, so I said that was ok, she then gave me his number and I decided to call him the moment I got of the bus, but a few minutes before I got there he called me up ,ok ok a lot happened but the important thing that in the end I got their, now after I go there the important things started, First of all Sharif seems to be giving the meetings in a more serious way the others, in a more lecture-line approach, even though at the beginning I thought it was less fun and less interactive in it I quickly started to think that perhaps that is much better in this stage of our AIESEC experience ( I know I should write @XP but many different people read my blog so I can’t do that) any way after the meeting was over Sharif introduced me to a girl in his group and asked her to give us a small presentation about AIESEC and the AIESEC experience, so she was nice enough to do so, it was not what she said that I liked because she only said what I have already heard or read, it was the “aura” she was pulsing with while she was talking, things went on, and I talked a bit (actually a lot) with Sharif, I have to admit we have quite different ideas and thinking patterns but he got my respect a lot, and I found out that much of what I understood about AIESEC was not so right, the imagine I had created about AIESEC was not correct, this really made me RESPECT Annica, Monica, Oxana and Asier a LOT MORE, because I started thinking back about what I heard some of them say, and it just hit me what they had been trying to get through to us, I was born and raised in the west and I do not have the typical middle eastern mentality nor do I have the typical western mentality , if I only understood the real essence of AIESEC after some taking and debating with Sharif so what about the others???

When I went to Irbid I hade two doubts about AIESEC:

1) Did I want to become an AIESEC member?

2) Did my schedule, plans and other stuff allow me to continue with AIESEC?

When I came back I was LOADED with doubts:

1) DO I want to continue with AIESEC?

2) If I would become an AIESEC member would I allow it to actually change me?

3) Do I deserve to be a part of AIESEC?

4) Would I be able to both take and give something from and to AIESEC?

5) Do I understand what will happen if I become a part of AIESEC?

   etc etc etc

After my talk with Sharif, he headed to Amman, and I took my self on a tour around Yarmook university, unfortunately not concentrating on the sites but putting all my thoughts into what I just found out, I got a call at about 6 from my friends asking me where the hell I was because I was REALLY LATE for the party I organized, so I took a cab to the “eastern neighborhood” and found a party filled with fun and joy going on, but not to worry it took me less then an hour to get my new state of gloominess and negative feelings spread around to every person in the party.

I know this has been a  long post but this event didn’t open my eyes on my AIESEC experience but also on my whole life, I have started doubting decisions, actions and principles, and I think its worth mentioning as much about the event, ok ok for those who are still reading I got only 2 messages for 2 people I met on Thursday but I don’t have their emails, but I hope they read this blog, and if you know them please pass the message:

The first: to Tahani (Yarmook university), I am really sorry for what I told you, what you are doing is GREAT, don’t go and ruin all that good work because a stupid stranger couldn’t keep hi mouth shut while he was in a gloomy mood.

The second: to Sharif, I can’t thank you enough; our conversation will not only affect my AIESEC experience but also my whole life, I have already started making significant changes in it, and made 180 degree redirecting in a lot of stuff, and for what its worth you are one of 3 people who actually changed my life while I was convinced that it was for the best.



1. Oksana - November 5, 2006

Thanks for your thoughtul insight. It is indeed hard for strangers like us to explain such thing as AIESEC to people who, we don’t perhaps even realize, have really different mindsets (but are still just most wonderful people!). Especially such thing as AIESEC, because how come can you explain to an external person all the personal growth that you went through during your experience, all the people that you met that have impacted you so much?
It is indeed hard to explain to someone what it REALLY means to work with people from 3 different continents in the 20 sq m room (as I did in Hungary);
It is hard to explain to someone what it REALLY means to experience all parts of ‘culture adjustment curve’;
It is hard to reproduce some of the conversations that you have had & that had challenged you 100%, no, even 150%.

Because it is not facts or numbers, but rather insights, which are hard to trasmit to others.
At least we tried :). And I hope for some of you it was meaningful & it all made sense.

Looking forward to talking to you later

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